Deep set eyes, body image and other stuff

I was 8, maybe 9. My mother’s uncle came to our house because he needed to start a cancer treatment, so he would stay with us for a few days. When I looked at him, I realized the meaning of the expression “deep set eyes”. People were always saying to me: “You have deep set eyes”, but I couldn’t understand them — I remember staring at my face in the mirror, not being able to see anything different from other people’s eyes. But when I looked at him, a man in his 70’s, I could understand what deep set eyes really meant. And I wondered if I would look like that in the future.

When you are a child, your body is just your body. There is no judgement — your feet are not ugly, your skin is not dull, your hair is not too oily. You are different from others, you can notice that. But this is a just a plain fact, not a concern. As time passes, several social practices will turn these differences into a concern, and a huge one. Practices like people making comments about women’s bodies. Classmates voting for the most beautiful girl in the class. Make up being a proper Christmas gift for a toddler. Underlying message of all these: “hey girl, take care of your appearance — this is your best asset”.

If people find you “pretty”, you will have some advantages as you grow up. However, your self-confidence will probably be rooted in your look, so appearance can turn into an obsession for you. On the other side, if people don’t tag you as pretty (this is totally expected if you’re non-white), maybe you try to compensate it in other fields, but eventually you may find yourself struggling with low self-esteem (and all the issues that come from it, like resentment).

It is cruel to pretty and non-pretty women (whatever “pretty” means). I remember a campaign I once heard about self-love: “If all women wake up tomorrow loving themselves, how many industries will break?”.

It is hard to love ourselves. It is hard to like what we see in the mirror. Everyday companies worldwide devote their best minds to make it harder and harder.

As I write this, I wonder what we mean by “love” or “like”, when it comes to body image. Some would say that it means feeling gorgeous, which would lead us to act (and dress up) accordingly and take care of ourselves. I’m not sure about it. Feeling gorgeous sounds like an impossible mission, when we have so many voices screaming opposite messages towards us.

I remember a story about Buddhist monks, who visit cemeteries to keep in mind that we are only flesh. I wonder if it wouldn’t be better just trying to see things as they are — we have a body, we live in a body. A wonderful machine that enables us to achieve so many things, like dancing, running or cooking. A vehicle for sensations that make us human. Our ultimate home.